“Madam abeg wetin dey happen here?” John asked
a woman who wore Aso-ebi and Aso-ke and was
cat walking into the Thomas compound, loud music
was playing in the compound as the
sweet smell of
food ranted the air.
“Ahh you dey new here ni? Abi you never hear say
Chief Thomas pikin don loss?” The woman said
“Ehya who carry am na, I hope no be ritual killers?”
“The gate man say na two boys carry am run”
“Arghh dem call police?” John asked in fear.
“Police Ko!! Army Ni!! Na party we dey do now sef,
on sunday dem go do thanksgiving service for
church” she replied tying her wrapper well.
“Ma I no understand o” John said more confused.
“See that boy Samuel na demon, infact him and
satan dey play ten ten every night, the boy no dey
hear word, nobody fit pass this road if this boy dey
outside, me I dey sell banana but if I pass here,
Samuel go stone all my banana finish, all the area
dey come dis party because this kidnappers don
help us and chief Thomas carry devil comot from
here o, abeg do come chop food joor” the woman
said and ran inside.
“Osheeeeyyy abeg this woman dey lie joor, which big
man no go pay money for him son?”
John walked to the gate and knocked, the gate man
opened the door, a huge turkey lap was stucked
inbetween his teeth, he was smiling with a carton of
Hollandia with the other hand.
“Oga come inside na, today na R.S.V.P- Rice and
stew very plenty, oga only pikin don loss, we dey
celebrate joor” the gate man said.
“Oya give this letter to your boss and bring me
three take away and juice make I follow enjoy joor”
The way he sped to their hideout was like a finales
race in formula 1 racing, he almost passed the
isolated building, when he was sure nobody fellowed
him he parked the vehicle and went out.
“Mark, Samuel where una dey? Food don show” he
screamed as he went inside. Nobody was around,
he sat down tired and began eating one of the food.
Then he heard a faint nose, like a police man
“Oya move it, nonsense horse, move, I say move”
The undisputed voice of Samuel was saying, he sat
up and watched what happened next.
“Mark na who be this?” He screamed when
collasped before him.
Samuel held a large cane and was riding Mark like a
donkey, he was also floging him and kicking him on
his ribs, Mark head had swollen like a paw paw
fruit, two of his teeth were missing, his face all
sober, his jean was torn at the knees and he had
blisters on his palm.
“Oboy you get accident?” John asked him.
“Abeg you bring water, I dey thirsty die” Mrk
managed to say before fainting again.
“Uncle this horse you gave me is very lazy o”
“Sharrap” John said
“Oya go carry food chop there” he commmanded as
Samuel ran along.
He gave Mark a satchet water and his juice which
the guy grabbed like his life depened on it, then he
managed to stargger up before saying his story.
“Oboy na demon we kidnapp o, this boy nearly kill
me, as you leave us the guy come say make we play
police and thief, na so I gree, him come say I go be
thief den him go be police, the catapult go be him
gun. Na so him fire me for head o. The thing pain
me eh sowtey I no fit cry na so I come dey laugh-
cry, you know as my cry dey be na? The idiot come
misinterpret am, come target my teeth, na so him
comot my teeth o, as I say I no dey play again na
so him come beg me make we do horse and rider,
mehn see my back, him don flog me like pig, half of
my ribs don break finish sef, chai I don die” Mark
“Uncle this food never do me o” Samuel screamed
The both of them looked at each other and
screamed the same thing with two syllabus.
My food” Paul and Mark screamed and ran inside.
Samuel had cleared the food and was searching the
leather for more, including the one that John ate
and remain had finished.
“And you say no be demon we kidnap?” Mark cried
out, tears seriously pouring out in hunger and pains.
“Oboy na for small boy front you dey cry o” John
“Even if na my wife front I must cry o” Mark cried
“Oya no worry, six done almost reach, just manage
the guy make I go bring the money come, we go
share am 50-50” John encouraged.
“Oya abeg do fast joor before I die” Mark said and
John sped like a ferrari rider this time, he packed
behind a mango tree near the dust bin and waited,
at exactly six pm, the gate man walked out with
two heavy stuffs in black polyethene bags and
walked to the dust bin, then he dropped them,
placed a note ontop and ran away.
John began dancing Etighi and Shoki at the same
time, he waited for five more minutes then ran with
full nitro speed and grabbed the bags and the note,
as he caught his breath and smiled, patting the bag
as he thought of all the good things for life he
would afford. He opened the note and read out.
It is with utmost pleasure that am replying this
letter, I want to thank you people for kidnapping
that devil’s incarnate. I have been thinking of ways
to kill that boy before he kills me, my neighbours
and passers by. Samuel’s cloth are filled inside the
two bags with you now, make sure you take care of
him, and incase you get tired of him, just send him
back inside this dustbin with twenty thousand naira
because that would be his transport money to Kiri
kiri where he belongs
Yours faithfully, Chief Thomas”
John laughed at the funny letter, then he opened the
bag to confirm it, the bags were filled with Samuel’s
Sweater, shirt, jeans, boxers, shorts and shoe with
black and white shocks, his tootpaste and brush
with cream were gratefully added.
When he woke up two hours later, he grabbed the
note and both bags with hot tears dripping down his
face as he drove back to the isolated building, then
he did not care if the cops were chasing after him
anymore because there was nothing to lose.
When he got into the buidling he heared Samuel
shouting for somebody to rise up, like he was
conducting deliverance for a patient, he rushed in to
see his friend Mark spwarled on the ground almost
dead, his head had grown another horn like he was
acting as a devil in human clothings, he was
shirtless and fresh red marks lined his body as
Samuel turned white garment priset was flogging
him and casting on demons.
“Uncle we dey play mad man and prophet, na uncle
Mark nai mad, me dey pray for am” Samuel said
Like Mark was waiting for a helper, he slowly raised
his head and stared at John, his face was like he
got knocked down from keke napep, additional three
teeth were missing. Samuel quickly ran outside.
“Oboy if we no go share the money 90-10 percent
then I go do you everything wey this boy don me
today” Mark starmered.
“Oboy Mark the person wey design your face go win
award for best designer of the year in Nigeria o, see
as you resemble person wey wan act horror film.
Oboy clean your face joor, wahala dey o” John said
“You no see say na so the factory settings of my
face be? Wetin, Him no pay complete money? Abeg
we go manage am like that” Mark said as John
passed the note to him.
In two minutes both of them sat on the floor like
two widowers, seriously weeping out their eyes.
“Walahi if say I know I for continue my kpon kpon
career, now see as I come wan die for nothing”
“Oboy if na so Wizkid do, him for don give up him
music carreer o” John add back up.
“Oboy how we go do now, make we use am do
rituals abi?” John asked.
“Rituals? Walahi babalawo go reject that cursed boy,
make we carry am go back to him father, I wan
confess, I get 20k wey I dey save for the past three
years now, abeg carry am inside that my boxer wey
I no dey gree wash, make we bundle this guy back
to him papa joor” Mark said as John went to
confirm and true to his words, 20k laid in the boxer.
“Oya make we catch am joor, Samuel, come play”
Mark screamed with the last ounce of energy in his
frail battered body.
“Uncle John, abeg make we play together, Uncle
Mark dey boring” Samuel said as he got in, Mark’s
shirt was tied on his head like a militant.
“Ok, I gree but make you change your cloth first,
your cloth dey booth” John said smiling.
“Aghh uncle thank you o, so you go even carry my
cloth come, chai this is good” Samuel replied and
They quickly followed him, as he opened the booth
and was about opening the bag to take his clothes
out, Mark grabbed his hands while John grabbed his
legs, they threw him into the bag and tied it with
“Uncle please, I no wan go house..” Samuel was
screaming and begging.
“Your yansh, na till you kill person abi, useless pikin,
maybe na for dustbin your papa pick you from sef”
Mark replied smiling for the first time.
They put the 20k in an envelope and drove like mad
to Chief Bola’s house, they stopped, picked the
struggling bag and throwed him out together with
the money. That was the last time the duo ever
tried kidnapping business again.
Mark-Now a farmer and tailor
John-Now a houseboy and gate man.
Their music dream? Maybe till BankyW manage to
hear them singing in their village choir.
Samuel-Now residing in Kirikiri VIP section prisons
because no inmate could stay with him, his father is
paying a weekly salary of 120,000 to the prison
authorities for him to remain there.