Save your advice
Cos I won’t hear
You might be right
But I don’t care
There’s a million reason why I should give you up
But the heart wants what it wants
-Selena Gomez (The heart wants what it wants)
‘What?’ Was the first thing she yawned out when she
picked up after he had called and texted…
… and call and texted
…and called and texted endlessly practically pleading
in his texts. He wanted to argue it out with her at first
but why waste time about that? He would just go
straight to the point.
‘What is a vasectomy?’ He asked.
Tobi was in the restroom after politely excusing
himself from that lousy lady who Jo introduced to him
earlier tonight. It was only the three of them on the
table and the lady never had her mouth shut. Not for
a minute. It’s not like Tobi really had any trouble with
her being a talkative but why does she really have to
involve him in a conversation that has anything to do
with medical terms? He could tell she already
assumed he was a doctor the way she was talking to
him like a pro. Jo was there so all he really had to do
was keep a sealed lip with a plastic fake smile and
nodding whenever it looks like she wants him to agree
to whatever it is she was saying.
Then Jo was invited to one of her superiors table and
he was left with the lady. Alone.
All he wanted at that very moment was alien
‘My husband and I agreed he should have a
vasectomy nextweek. I don’t know why I’m having
second thoughts about it after we’ve both agreed he’d
do that after our third child. Now our baby is five and
we think now is the right time. I don’t know why I’m
thinking this is a bad idea. But I’d like to ask you, as
a guy, what do you think about vasectomy?’
That would have been easy to answer if he knows the
meaning of the vasectomy thingy.
So that was how our dear Tobi took a trip to the
‘Has it never occurred to you I might be busy?
Sleeping?’ Tori’s voice simply signifies frustration.
‘Well, sorry to disturb you about those unimportant
things you were busy doing. Can you please help me
‘You really have no shame when it comes to asking
for help do you?’
‘Huh… Really? It’s late already.’ She moaned.
‘What is vasectomy?’
‘Seriously? You woke me up because of ‘that’? You
must be kidding me. Can’t you consult Google? Huh?’
‘You think I haven’t tried that. The network here is
‘Then, the dictionary on your phone at least?’
‘Seriously? Do I look or sound like someone who
keeps such things? Huh? What’s the fuss about
anyways, you are already awake. Just go ahead and
‘It’s even one of the basics. Who doesn’t know what
a vasectomy is?’
‘This guy here. Let’s just assume I’m not of a fan of
basics or whatever you call it?’
‘Fine. A vasectomy is a surgical division of all
or part of the vas deferens….’
‘Vas difference? Really? Are you really going to do this
to me right now? Just tell me you don’t want to
‘Deferens not difference…’
‘Who cares? Just put it in lay man English…’
‘It is an ‘operation’ that makes a man unable to
produce sperm during sex thereby making it
impossible for him to make a woman pregnant.’
‘Bye.’ He said as he ended his call hurriedly. He
doesn’t want that lady thinking he’s got diarrhoea or
Confidently patting his suit and adjusting his tie, he
walked back to the lady.
And after some minutes…
‘…so, I don’t really think it’s really a good idea. You
guys shouldn’t make that mistake.’ Tobi finished his
speech and he could hear some invisible applause.
‘Thanks so much. It was quite nice talking to
someone about it. It would have been a shame if I
really have to do it and forever regret it.’ She was
‘Well, what do we have here? What were you guys
discussing?’ Jo said as she sat back down. She had
this inquisitive look in her eyes.Tobi could feel relief
sweep over him and at the same he felt so proud of
‘Doctor Tobi and I had to talk about vasectomy.’
‘Doctor Tobi?’ Jo was quite surprised at first then a
soft smile crossed her lips. ‘Interesting. I never knew
you had interest in those kind of things.’ That was
meant for him.
‘I actually don’t like boasting.’ Tobi said smiling back
If that’s not boasting. I don’t know what is.
‘Well, ‘Doctor,’ ‘ Jo had a strong emphasis on the
‘doctor’. ‘Would you marry someone with an
There was no way he could escape to the restroom
this time. He was trapped and he just had to gamble
his answer through.
‘Actually, having an oesophagus is not the end of the
world. Although it’s a rare case and people with
oesophagus tend to give up on life easily. Some even
go ahead to commit suicide because they think no one
will marry them. If the oesophagus is in the early
stage, I can still….’
The shrill laughter both ladies gave told him he had
said something completely wrong. Something very
wrong and they were so mocking him.
His escape route was the restroom even though his
excuse request wasn’t granted because both ladies
were busy laughing, he went to the restroom anyway.
Tori had to do the facepalm thing. Her face
completely buried in her palm in utter disbelief. Is he
really human? He obviously didn’t go through primary
school. She had nothing to offer but embarrassment
at his ‘oesophagus story’
‘Did you really tell them all that?’ She asked to be
sure she heard right.
‘Yeah. I said something wrong right?’ He really didn’t
want to hear the affirmative as her reply.
‘Something so wrong nothing in this world has ever
been wrong before. Something so unbelievable too.
Seriously? How did you make it through primary
‘You can’t blame me. It sounded so much like a
disease I thought it had something to do with cancer.
So are you going to tell me the meaning now?’
‘No. Download a dictionary and see the meaning
yourself.’ And she hung up.
How is he possibly going to face Jo and her friend?
To be continued