The exams went on slowly than I had anticipated. I was just half way through but I was already tired of it. Since Bauchi left, the house had become boring. Kiki was hardly out of her room. Ezekiel was always beaming with excitement, he even had the guts to organise a Saturday fellowship in my house. I missed Bauchi.
Every time I tried to talk to the beautiful girl sitting two rows away, my heart beat clouded my courage; she looked too exquisite for my poor mumblings to make sense to her. Last week, I made up my mind to approach her after the paper, I wore the best shirt I had, sprayed some puffs of Kiki’s perfume. She didn’t show up. She wasn’t offering that subject.
I spotted the Benz drive into the compound, I saw her beautiful hair sheen through the glass, an ache for what I wanted but could not have gripped my soul. As usual she lingered in with the driver for a while before she stepped out of the car, she was wearing an armless gown, with hips that a girl below 20 shouldn’t have.
I counted from 10 backwards and imagined Bauchi was with me and wondered what he would have said if I told him I was scared to talk to a girl. He would definitely have said I was the weakest man since General Diya begged Abacha to spare his life. He hated Oladipo Diya.
As I walked up to her, my heart beat increased, I started perspiring, it was so unlike me. I had no issues like this before. The closer I got to her, I decided that I was just going to keep walking but something happened, I could swear I heard Bauchi say ‘self-servicer’ in my heart. What the hell, after the exams I would probably never see her again, I had nothing to lose.
“Hello, I am Fifi,” I said with hands stretched.
She looked at me with her big brown eyes and smiled.
“That is a peculiar name, are you Ghanaian?”
This is very embarrassing but I should tell you that she left my hand hanging. We were standing in the middle of the compound, under the blistering sun but she didn’t seem to notice, I was beginning to sweat.
“No, I’m Nigerian”.
She smiled and started walking away. After going that far, I wasn’t about to let her slip away.
“You haven’t told me your name,” I said trying to sound offended but making a bad job of it.
She stopped abruptly.
“It’s Fifi,” I corrected her.
“I really don’t go for the bullshit, you don’t want my name or need it. All you want is to fvck me and show me off to your peers that you have a fine babe, for 3months…3years…?”
“Ermmm, that is not…”
“It is not what? You need my name so we can be friends, because we have everything in common, and we would discuss about music, economy and when I am broke, you will buy me phone units and valentine, I would buy you boxers and singlet?”
“You are wrong,” I replied.
“I am wrong, you don’t want to fvck me?”
She was more beautiful with the ‘I’m talking to an idiot’ expression on her face.
“Not that, I want to fvck you very much but first, I want you to like me”.
Her eyes widened in surprise then she started laughing, I laughed in return until she stopped abruptly.
“Don’t ever talk to me like that again or I will report you for sexual harassment,” she said with a stern look.
I was confused and was finding the perfect reply when she walked into the hall.
I tried to focus on the exam I was writing but I couldn’t, I kept looking at her and how unpredictable and hot she was. Because of her, I could finally push out the thoughts of a heavily pregnant Oge out of my mind. Truth be told, I wasn’t thinking about fvcking her, kissing her had crossed my mind a couple of times but not fvcking her, even when I masturbated, it was with the former thoughts of Oge or Whitney Houston or Tyra Banks, never her.
I gave up ever talking to her again, the sexual harassment brouhaha was enough for me, so after the exam I embarked on my usual stroll to the Estate. Command day secondary school was to my right, it was in the Ojo military cantonment said to be one of the biggest in Africa, all the way from Volks bus-stop to Iyana Iba.
The robberies that occurred along the axis, usually at night wasn’t unconnected to the young guys who took their father’s guns and attacked commuters in traffic or in their homes. Whenever I passed by the school, I walked faster than normal.
“Pipi!” a voice shouted, I wouldn’t have turned if it wasn’t familiar. It was the girl, my new miss world. The Benz stopped in front of me, this time she hopped out faster than normal. To my surprise the driver drove off.
“I didn’t see you standing at the corner as you do every time, waiting for me to pass after my exams,” she said, coming so close to me, I could see the pores on her skin.
“So you noticed?”
“Of course I noticed that you drooled whenever I walked pass you like I was virgin you wanted to devour”.
“I am sorry for the harassment,” I said smiling.
Thankfully, she got the joke and smiled.
“I am short of friends now so there is a vacancy for you, still interested?”
“but I never said I wanted to be your friend,” I replied.
“True, you said you wanted to fvck me till my brains spilled out, right?”
She was gorgeous as fvck!
“I want to be your friend”.
“Good, we are in the same page”.
“I am Fifi not Pipi by the way, what is yours?”
“I am Abibia, but friends call my Abi,” she said
“Nice to meet you, Abi,” my hand was stretched.
She ignored it.
“So we are clear, I have a boyfriend and I love him very much,” she said.
My happiness went from 100 to 0.
“Two, I don’t like touching people, especially their palms, its disgusting”.
I started wondering.
“Besides that, I am the best kind of friend you can ever have,” she said smiling with eyes that Angelina Jolie would be jealous of.
“Oh I see”
“So will you still be my friend, to rant and to gist with, for gossips and hangouts till betrayal do us part?”
I looked at her lovely frame and once again, I concluded that I had nothing to lose.
“For a thousand years,” I replied
To Be Continued