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I was getting tired of the fight between Kiki and Bauchi. It was more than three weeks since they had stopped talking to each other. Bauchi even mentioned his decision to leave the apartment for good. Hanatu was home for mid-term break and although she spent most of her time with Oge, I was still blessed by her presence. Oge was another story. We weren’t even in speaking terms anymore. Her love life with the ugly bros Emma (greatly exaggerated, even Kiki said he was a fine man) was now public consumption. They flirted all around the estate, from their catholic church to the Suya guy’s stand…. from the market to the salon. I don’t know if it was the pregnancy, but the stupid girl was getting finer.
The goat was yet another issue; it was growing on all of us except Ezekiel. Kiki sprayed her expensive perfumes on it. Bauchi named him ‘Rudolf’ and the name stuck. We took turns in bathing it and packing its faeces before it started to smell. Bauchi demarcated section of my parlour for it. Actually the area was the middle of my parlour. Hanatu became a fan of the white he-goat too; she was also a fan of Bauchi.
When she was leaving back for school, Bauchi gave her a ‘Ghana must go’ bag filled with provisions. He promised her that he wouldn’t marry anybody until she grew old enough to be his wife, he would wait for her. She was old enough to know he was kidding with her, but I saw she liked it. She liked the way he spoke and the way he called her Hanamama. He didn’t move around the apartment Unclad throughout her holiday, I saw he wasn’t comfortable about it but it was better for everybody else. Hanatu told me she didn’t like Kiki, I didn’t know if it was because her mentor, Oge didn’t like her or because she had joined the Bauchi lovers association. I became worried of the kind of guy my little sister would get attracted to when she grows.
That I say Bauchi and Kiki were still fighting just meant they didn’t talk to each other. It doesn’t mean they didn’t fvck each other. Sometimes, while we have settled to sleep, Kiki would scream his name from her room and in a jiffy, he would be gone, only for him to return moments later with a smirk on his face, some thirty minutes later. Seems as soon as he came, she pushes him out the door.
Ezekiel stopped talking to Bauchi since he was forced to spend the night with Rudolf. He was the only one enjoying the malice in the apartment because Kiki made it a point of duty to serve him the biggest portion of her meals even though, Bauchi dropped the money used. I seldom did.
“How did you meet Kiki?” I asked him one of those nights when he slept beside me.
“My man, I met Kiki a long time ago,” He said smacking his lips.
“Her father was this military officer that needed a driver, they lived in Ikotun then, she was in Secondary school. I had just freshly dropped out of the university and needed food to survive. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen but our age difference was an issue. Another issue was the fact that she was from an affluent home and I was a common driver.”
The story was getting interesting.
“So how did you ask her out?”
“Patience my man, we will get there.”
I was actually patient, I didn’t mind if he spoke all night.
“You see, while I was the driver, they had a Guard and a maid. Her mother was n Obese, rude, awful lady with the maddest ass on this side of the Atlantic but this is not about her mother, right, my man?”
“Not at all bros.”
“I liked her since the moment I saw her but I was too scruffy looking. Plus she had many boys sneaking into the premises when her folks weren’t around, guys in the university sef. So I doubted if she ever felt same. But the Guard brought it to my notice one day that Kiki looked at me with pleasure in her eyes. That guy dey crase but this isn’t about the guard, right, my man?”
“The Guard said my meat was usually the biggest and she was always very polite to me. I thought it was because was slightly educated. One day, I saw her crying in the compound, I felt she was lonely as her people had travelled, so I took out her father’s 504 and drove her around town. See that day, I spoilt her. Her first alcohol and her first clubbing happened that day. You can ask her.”
“I believe you.”
“When we got back to the house in the early hours of the morning, after pleading with her not to tell her father, she asked me why I wasn’t interested in knowing why she had been crying. I told her I felt it was because she was alone. She said she had been molested by one of the guys that came around earlier. He had forcefully fondled her breast and almost fingered her. My man, if there is nothing you remember from what I tell you, please remember that a woman’s ‘no’ is no! Even if her body is saying yes, as long as you hear the word ‘stop’, stop touching or entering her.
“Okay,” I replied.
“I listened to her and told her it was alright, we should be glad that she wasn’t raped. That was when I heard whosaaaai on my face. She said how dare I say she wasn’t raped, that the guy had raped her soul. I apologised and went to the BQ, my supposed wonderful night was over. Some hours later, around 4am I heard a knock on the door, I expected it to be the Guard who liked to beg for weed at odd hours. It wasn’t the guard, it was Kikelomo.”
I am ashamed to say I was getting aroused.
“So she said she came to apologise and all, she came with fried chicken in plastic plates but we didn’t get to eat it as I don’t know what came over me but I kissed her full on the lips. She didn’t respond and I was already regretting my boldness when she opened her month. She lost her final virginity that morning.”
“You be bad guy oh.”I said admiringly.
“Few weeks later, her mother caught her in my room, sitting on my leg. Her father chased me away with a loaded pump-action. I didn’t take one shirt sef out of the house”
“You guys have been dating since them?”
“Yes, my good man.”
Just as he wanted to continue, he heard her scream his name.
“Gimme 1 hour, make I go, come back”
More like 30 minutes, but I kept that to myself, which guy doesn’t want to believe he lasts longer?
To Be Continued