DIKE THE GRAMMARIAN
(Village in Confusion)
:Written by BRIGHT DANIEL
Still at the palace, before the new recruited vigilante
group, the king became speechless at Dike’s long
confusing grammar. Though, they were having a serious
issue but the elders couldn’t help it but to giggle at the
grammar especially Mr Adaka who hail Dike saying,
“Odegwu! Supu! Dike the grammarian. The only one who’s
grammar can send one to his early grave. I hail u”
The king glared at Dike. “Dike” he called hopelessly.
“Your highness” Dike replied.
“I have warned u times without number to reduce the way
u use big and unfamiliar words when we are discussing a
serious issue here in the palace. It does more harm than
good to us”
“But Your highness..”
“No but, Dike” the King interrupted. “I think we are clear
now” he concluded and began to walk into the inner
palace followed by the elders after discharging the
At Mr Kelechi’s living room. Mr Kelechi sat before a plate
of food ready to send it to ‘Tommy Town’ He wore a
white singlet over a wrapper having a local bead on his
wrist. When he opened the plate of food, Mr Adaka
walked in hitting his staff three times on the door.
“Unbelievable!” Mr Kelechi exclaimed. “I can’t remember
the last time u visited my house. Or did u see me in your
dream last night?”
“I didn’t only see u in my dream, i even saw the food u
are about to eat too” Mr Adaka replied and they laughed.
“Take a seat”
“Would u only tell me to take a seat?” Adaka sat down
while Kelechi became confuse.
“What else should i tell u?”
“Heeii! Kelechi, so u have not changed. Never for once till
now have u ever called me to eat food with u whenever u
are eating” Mr Adaka replied while Kelechi smiled.
“You’re talking about me, what of all the bush meat u
wasted your time hunting instead of going to school? Did
u call me to eat any of them with u?” he fired back then
Mr Adaka frowned.
“Kelechi, don’t bring the issue of education here again. I
know i fail by not going to school but i must make sure i
send all my children to school, if not for anything, for
them to learn grammar just like Dike the grmmarian”
“Thank God you’ve discovered the value of education” Mr
Kelechi leaned his back on the seat smiling.
“You talk as if u went to school” Mr Adaka said.
“But at least i finished elementary 1. I’m better than u who
didn’t even see the four walls of a classroom” Mr Kelechi
“So, u still don’t want to call me to eat with u?”
“Come and eat. Since u said u dreamt about it, it’s
enough evidence that u are hungry” Mr Kelechi jokingly
“You think so? Anyways, that’s not why I’m here” Adaka
lowered his voice. “Can u remember when we started
having this story of arm robbers in this village?” he asked
then Mr Kelechi thought surprisingly.
“That was a week after Dike returned from town where he
was working as an English lecturer”
“That is my point!” Mr Adaka exclaimed quietly.
Unknowingly to them, Ngozi was at the door of her room
listening to their conversation. “I’m suspecting Dike to be
the very green snake in the green grass” Mr Adaka added.
“I don’t understand”
“I suspect Dike to be the one behind what we are
experiencing in this village” Hearing that, Ngozi held her
mouth surprisingly while Mr Adaka continued. “The arm
robbery attack started when he returned to this village.
Have u thought of why he’s not working like a lecturer
anymore? The rumor is because he was so greedy and
also confusing the young female students with his
grammar in order to sleep with them”
“You’ve made a very good point. But wait oh, remember
that the criminals are with guns” Mr Kelechi said.
“That’s the more reason why i said somebody powerful is
behind this, and it’s no other person than Dike who is
capable of equipping those boys with weapons. If not,
from where would any of our youth get such powerful
weapons? It’s obvious that this man has been confusing
us with his grammar just the way he was deceiving the
young female students with it”
“Cheeii! Who knows the meaning of what he has been
saying in the palace?”
“You see?” Mr Adaka spread his hands. “But u were
hailing and clapping for him because of his grammar u
don’t even know their meanings” he added.
“Didn’t u praise him too?” Mr Kelechi began. “In fact, i was
the one who was bold enough to ask him the meaning of
paragon, but u accepted whatever thing that came out
from his mouth and made him ur second God because
you’ve never heard a grammar before. Go back to school,
“I take that as an insult” Mr Adaka became angry.
“If u like take it as an assault. Anyways, we have no
evidence to approach Dike. Let’s see the outcome of the
vigilante group first. One day the wind will blow and the
buttocks of a fowl will open for everybody to see what
lies in it” Mr Kelechi concluded.
“Yes, that’s true. I shall be on my way now” Mr Adaka
“What about the food?”
“Eat alone and die alone” Adaka walked out…