Addicted By Penshalom
I woke up the following morning feeling refreshed.
I remembered last night, I felt the guilt but I shook it off.
“I’ve prayed for forgiveness, besides I’m never going it again”. I said to myself.
I did my morning devotion.
I dressed up and got ready for school.
I decided to stay away from those guys that day.
I was able to accomplish that.
As usual, I went back home after school.
And then at night…..
I just slept as usual.
I was able to stay away for days.
Until one day..
We were watching an American movie.
And it got to a scene…you should know what I’m talking about.
They started their rubbish, my younger sis switched off the TV immediately.
But the image was already imprinted in my head and then the images of the other time came to my mind too.
I started feeling hot all over.
I stood up and walked to my room like a robot.
I entered my room and sat down on my bed.
Like a robot I picked up my phone.
I went to the site last time and downloaded a video.
My heart and my brain were screaming stop.
But it’s like I did not have power over my body, my hand and my eyes especially.
I watched the video and downloaded another one, I watched them both.
After I finished and my hormones went back to normal, I realized myself.
I prayed again and again, crying and begging God.
I locked myself up in my room throughout that day.
I promised myself again that I will not go back to it.
The following day unfortunately for me was a Sunday.
I sat at the back of the church.
I didn’t talk to anybody, my mom asked me what was wrong, I told her nothing.
I mean, who will tell an African parent you’ve been watching porn?
Definitely, not me.
My parents are strict and on top of that Bible-believing ones.
I was more determined tho’ that it won’t happen again.
But, somebody lied.
An idle hand they say is the devil’s workshop.
I was idle one day and then I broke my promise, again.
I did not even bother praying again.
After all the Bible even says, “The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak”.
That was my consolation.
It got to a point that whenever I saw a girl the first thing that comes to my mind is what is beneath her skirt.
My imagination runs wild.
To myself I am the devil you’ve never seen but to others I am an angel in human form.
I had videos on my phone, lots of ’em so my phone is always locked with a password.
One day, my younger sis picked up my phone.
As soon as I saw it with her, I shouted at her and snatched it from her hand.
She was so scared, she scrambled to her room.
When I calmed down, I remembered my phone has a password which she does not know.
I felt really guilty and apologized to her.
But I warned her not touch my phone again without permission.
Anyway, I made sure that my phone is always in my room.
Whenever anyone wanted to check my phone, I get so scared.
To Be Continued