The Bemba’s say “Ichikalipa chufwa umwine”, you can only feel the pain if you have been there.
The most dangerous pain is psychological pain, I had lost my baby. What I needed were people to comfort me, be there for me and sympathize with me. I didn’t need people like Francis because that was going to open up wounds.
Francis deserved what I did to him and much more, if I had a gun at that moment, I would have gladly shot Francis, I was going to spend the rest of my life in a prison while his body rotted. I felt bad, I felt like I didn’t do much, I should have just stabbed Francis with the knife, the next time I see him I will kill him, no one or nothing will save him. I was lost in deep thoughts when Lulu walked in, she appeared disturbed.
Me:,What’s the problem ba mayo, you look disturbed.
Lulu: I know Francis has hurt you a lot but you have to let the police handle this issue.
Me: what the fuck is that suppose to mean?
Lulu: please Mwila calm down.
Me: you of all people should not tell me that, you know what that idiot has put me through.
Lulu: I know but fighting and attacking him won’t solve anything.
Me: I don’t believe this is coming from your mouth, am disappointed and shocked, I expected you to support me all the way.
Lulu: i support but yo don’t know what others are thinking.
Me: who are the others? Do they know why am freaking here?
Lulu: please boo keep it low.
Me: I will scream if I want, I don’t care what anyone thinks.
Lulu: Mwila if you continue with this behavior, they will assign you to a mental institution.
Me: hahahahaha ine Mwila ku chainama? Says which goat?
Lulu: napapata chikashana bweshako voice panshi.
Me: ok Lulu on a serious note, which fool told you that I would be assigned to a psychiatric hospital? So it’s that doctor friend of yours ka? Well go back and tell him to kiss my ass.
Lulu: its not his decision, its the hospital’s board. Considering what trauma you are going through and how you attacked Francis. They think you are going insane.
Me: what the fuck!!!!!! The board is fucked up. Do they know what I’m going through?, they were expecting me to hug Francis and welcome him with open arms. You know what kind of a person Francis is. Infact I was wrong to have spared him, I should have done more. Besides you were not here so don’t support nonsense.
Lulu: whatever happened, you needn’t do whatever it is that you did.
Me: Lulu on whose side are you? That doctor’s looks has confused you?
Lulu: sorry but am just looking out for you,its not what you think.
Me: which looking out are you talking about when it’s clear you are supporting the fools that are saying am insane.
Lulu: we are not going anywhere.
Me: no we are going somewhere, from now on you seize from being on my bed side. I don’t need you and please don’t tell anyone to come here not even my relatives or else you will hate me.
Lulu: it hasn’t gotten to that.
Me: you know me very well, I don’t go back on my words.
Lulu: what’s the problem with you ayi?
Me: there is no problem, I just don’t want to hang around with normal people when I know am insane.
Lulu: I didnt say you are insane, don’t put words in my mouth.
Me: am not having this conversation with you. Just leave.
Lulu: if you say so, I will leave .
Me: thank you.
Lulu hurt me real bad,I wasn’t expecting her to side with what those people said. As my friend I expected her to side with me and reason with them but she did the opposite. Thank God she left me alone with my insanity. I called Angela my friend from school and explained to her my situation. She promised to pass through. I was so stressed and angry, I took a nap and I was awoken by the doc. There were two officers with him. He said the officers had a few questions for me. The two officers introduced themselves as officer Mwembe and officer Phiri.
Officer Phiri: sorry madam, I know this is not the right time or place to ask you questions, we won’t take much of your time. Its our duty to protect each citizen.
Me: it’s fine, I understand.
Officer Mwembe: am sorry for your loss, take heart.
Officer Phiri: madam have you ever suffered from mental disorder.
Officer Mwembe: what’s the name of your boyfriend?
Me: point of correction he is no not my boyfriend, he is my ex.
Officer Mwemba: ok point noted.
Me: thank you.
Officer Mwemba: what is the name of your ex.
Officer Phiri: his surname.
Me: is it necessary?
Officer Phiri: yes it is but if you don’t want to tell us now then its fine.
Officer Mwemba: for how long have you been with him?
Me: for about eight months now.
Officer Phiri: do you have any family members that are aware of your relationship with mr Francis?
Me: no only my friends, this is zambia you can’t just introduce your boyfriend to your family if he hasn’t talked about marriage.
Officer Phiri: I understand.
Officer Mwembe: while dating Mr Francis did you ever argue?
Me: arguments are normal in relationships.
Officer Phiri: did Mr Francis ever threaten you?
Officer Mwembe: did your ex in question ever beat you. In short was he ever violent to you?
Me: pass I will not respond to that question.
Me: I will answer it when necessary.
Officer Phiri: have you ever been raped before?
Officer Mwembe: do you have any history of mental illness in your family?
Me: no we don’t have .
Officer Phiri: are you sure?
Me: 100% sure.
Officer Phiri: do you come from a broken home?
Doctor: officers that all, my patient is not feeling well. Let her rest, she is exhausted.
Officer Phiri: thank you for your time. Get well soon.
Me: you are welcome.
The Doctor led the officers out of the ward, everyone was staring at me like I had just murdered someone. I turned to the other side and slept.
Surely I was seeing the worst of my life, I was been interrogated in my sick bed. My best friend had just disappointed me, I had lost my baby, almost killed my psycho ex.
I wondered what was the whole point of the police officers with their questions. Blacks fail to understand and articulate certain issues, instead of them to help me. They are busy slandering me. This is why many people die of stress, people don’t know the psychological impact of such things.
Doc came back, he asked me to remain calm. He promised to have me discharged sooner. I thanked him for everything and he left.
I got my phone, wanted to browse on social media, I tried to get some airtime using my xapit but it was tripping. I texted Angela asking her to get me some airtime on her way. Played some music, went through some pics and old messages.
Angela showed up two hours later, she brought my airtime as promised. I got bundles and logged in to facebook, I had a lot of WhatsApp messages. As I was browsing through, I came across a video with a thousand comments. I played it and my body froze.
Who the f. . . . . did this?!!!!! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ohh No!!!!!! He did not do this… This is way too much. . God why did you have to bring such people in my life.